How often is normal?

How often is normal in a relationship?

I know that I have never written about this subject before and to honest I am quite nervous to share my thoughts about it but I figure that is part of everyone else’s life and it can be an interesting topic to discuss. So to make it clear, this article is about SEX. It’s a TABOO topic that many people have issues talking about. To begin with, I need to ask: Are you single? Are you in a relationship, married or in a long term relationship? This article is primarily for those of us in the last category, either currently or those that has previously been.


How often is normal to have sex in a relationship? How often do you have sex?


I bet you have all experienced the first months of a relationship. You are all crazy about each other, have sex constantly, try new things and have the desire to want him/her more and more. But with time, the sex appeal is not the same, at least not as much for women. Comparing your relationship with the sex you had in the begining to now, it’s a bit of a difference, right? But that is totally OK and everywhere I read it says it’s actually a good thing. It means that you are getting to know each other better, spending time as best friends and dealing with the harder things that life is challenging you with.


Even in a strong relationship we cannot expect everything to be the same in bed all the time, sometimes the man has more desire than the woman and sometimes it’s the other way around. Desire changes, as do bodies. Another cause can be the self conscience for example, I don’t feel very attractive or desirable when I start gaining weight. I don’t want to see myself naked in the mirror and I don’t want anyone else to see me either. But not only the body changes in time but also the sexual desire. It may take longer to have an orgasm and you may need some extra help for example with lubrication.


There is a nice blog on called Psychology Today’s Married and Still doing It which argues that sometimes we just have to go with the flow . Even if you are tired, burned out, stressed or not in the mood, just do it. Because as they put it “after being stimulated, desire kicks in’’. You should not be forced to do it but if you go with the flow there is a good chance that you might be glad you did it.  
In the end to, I don’t think there is an answer that fits everyone. If you are a woman, get yourself in the mood by dressing up in something sexy, have a glass of wine and think of the things you want do to him or even watch porn (yes, women watch porn also) and if you are a man, oh well from my experience, they are always in the mood.

How often is normal?

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You might also like: Are you in a healthy loving relationship? 

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Did you enjoy this article? I would like to know your opinion about it in the comments. 

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  • Kate Smith

    It is a tough question and everybody must answer it according to their needs and sexpectations. It is true that time changes our bodies, even our apetite for sex. Long term relationships often grapple with the spark – what to do to keep it going. As long as we can talk to our partner openly and face any problems together, we can have a fulfilling sex life. And one more thing – it is important not to take everything seriously – a bit of a laughter puts everything in perspective 😉

    • Yes communication is the key for a good relationship. I forgot to put your last thought, you are right. Laugher puts everything in perspective. Thank you for coming by:)

  • To be honest I’ve never really thought about it. I’d say whatever feels good for you both and whatever doesnt create tension i.e one wants it more or less than the other. If a couple loves having sex frequently then that’s up to them and vice versa.

    Abigail Alice ?

  • Interesting read!
    I’ve never discussed my sex life with anyone a part from my husband because he is the only one it involves, the only one who would get it. You’re right our bodies and appetite for sex change and that’s why I believe it’s important to communicate and open up with your partner on the topic of sex. Once you are comfortable with each other and you open up regularly, you will learn something new. Being open should allow you to work together to overcome issues or worries and work on ways to make each other comfortable when intimate, have fun together and make the most of your sex life.

    Sabah ||

    • Thank you so much for your comment and I am so happy that you find it interesting. You are definitely right the communication is the key, the more open the better and especially with your partner.

  • Sarah Seifried

    Oh gosh. So let me get right to it – what used to be regular sex has dwindled to, well, every couple of months. We have two very young children and an older one. After I gave birth to our last baby (and I say last because i tied my tubes, so he really is the last) I suffered from PPD and Anxiety, which has made getting back into the swing of things very very difficult. Now that I have quit breast feeding my hormones are getting back to normal and I can feel the desire coming back – which has been good news for both Hubby and I. This post could not be more timely, as I guess I’d like to say we are doing it more this month than all last year 🙂

    • First of all I want to thank you Sarah for sharing this me. I don’t have children yet but I read that giving birth can most of the times affect your drive for sex. (I also suffered from anxiety I know how you feel). However, I am so happy for you that things are getting back to normal and hope for your to be the best year of sex you can have. Hugs!

  • Thanks Miha, I really enjoyed the post. I’d really be reluctant to say there’s any “normal” really, but I could understand where the question is coming from. I think we may often know where we stand in relation to all kinds of norms, and with something so intimate as sex, we might feel that standing above or below the norm might be some kind of key to explain our happiness or unhappiness.